


by the time you wake, I'll be brave

by untakenbeepun



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [3]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Bad Things Happen Bingo Prompt: Nightmares, Communication, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Other, Peter Nureyev is vulnerable, Peter and Juno are learning to heal together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21664273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/untakenbeepun/pseuds/untakenbeepun
Summary: Peter still has nightmares about the tomb, Miasma, and the bomb. Together, he and Juno are learning to heal.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1515029
Comments: 6
Kudos: 118





	by the time you wake, I'll be brave

Peter only bore his trauma at night.

Juno had his shadows written all over him in the scars across his face and his chest, the marks across his arms. Juno's body was a road map of bad experiences, plainly read by anyone who spoke to him for more than a moment. He might bite down on any mention of his family, might clench his jaw and fists and refuse to talk, but nothing could truly hide the way the world had chewed Juno up and spat him out again. Juno's trauma may as well have been a neon sign stapled to his forehead.

Peter didn't have such tells. His body was smooth, free of scars, eyes that revealed nothing. He covered his shadows up with disguises and carefully chosen words. He kept his secrets hidden by a mask that nobody could see through. If Juno hadn't been forced to dig around in his head and watch some of Nureyev's worst memories, he wouldn't have known at all.

Except at night.

When Nureyev slept, the walls that he kept so carefully built were broken down brick by brick. Sleep was the one place that Peter couldn't hide his fears.

Their room on Buddy's ship was small, but comfortable enough. They slept practically on top of each other, Juno resting on Peter's chest, an ear pressed against Peter's heart, Peter's arms wrapped around his waist. He'd fall asleep listening to Peter's gentle heartbeat, the slow rise and fall of Peter's chest soothing him towards sleep.

Juno had never slept so well before, even with the limited space in the cramped quarters.

But cramped quarters also meant nothing to hide.

Juno stirred from his sleep from the first whimper, which started quiet and gradually got louder. As he drifted into consciousness, Juno became dimly aware of Peter's body beneath him, quivering slightly as if he was too cold - but the ship was always far too hot, especially at night. Both Juno and Peter slept in minimal clothing, Juno in his boxers, Peter in a thin sleep shirt. Peter was shuddering now, his forehead drenched with sweat.

"Hey," Juno whispered, his lips brushing against Peter's collarbone. "Nureyev. Wake up."

Peter kept shuddering, his limbs tense as he began to mumble under his breath. Most of it was inaudible, sleep-induced nonsense, but Juno heard his name a few times, along with the word "no," in quick succession.

"Hey, Nureyev," Juno said, a little louder this time, his hands gently stroking Nureyev's face. "Peter. It's time to wake up now. You're okay. You're okay. You're just having a nightmare."

Peter stirred, and Juno held him tight, pressing gentle kisses against Peter's neck. "Wake up for me, Peter. I promise you, you're safe."

There was a gasp, and then his eyelids fluttered, and then Peter was awake, looking up at Juno with those deep brown eyes of his. For a moment, a look of relief passed across his face, relief mixed with a strange sort of desperation, his forehead creased and lines under his eyes.

And then the mask went back up, and it was like the expression had never been there.

"Sorry, darling," Peter said lightly, his voice smooth. "Did I wake you up?" 

Juno hummed a non-committed noise from the back of his throat. “Are you okay? Sounded like a pretty bad nightmare.”

“Nightmare? Oh, Juno, it was nothing.”

Juno frowned. Peter was looking at him in that imperceptible way of his. What Juno wouldn’t give to learn how to read what was going on behind those eyes. 

“It didn’t sound like nothing.” 

“Juno, I can assure you—”

“Don’t lie to me,” Juno said. “Don’t tell me that you’re fine if you’re not.”

“Juno—”

“Nureyev,” Juno said, staring into Peter’s eyes, imploring him to listen. “I know I haven’t always — I know you’re still learning to trust me again after the way I left you… before. I know that I shouldn’t have done what I did back then. It was cruel.”

“We’ve talked about this—”

“No, please, just listen to me for a sec,” Juno said, placing his hand over Peter’s heart. “I know I haven’t given you very many reasons to trust me with your secrets, but I want you to know that you _can._ I’m not going to disappear again. I won’t do that to you again. I know it’s hard, but if this is going to work, if _we’re_ going to work, I need you to tell me what’s going on in your head.”

“I—” Peter said, and there it was, the shifting in his mask, the slight chink in his armour. “I don’t know how.”

It was, perhaps, one of the most honest things that Peter Nureyev had ever said to him.

Juno looked up at the man who he’d cross galaxies for, the brightest light in a series of shadows, and at once, he understood something about him. Peter Nureyev had never had anybody he could trust. Peter Nureyev had never had _anybody_ he could be honest with. Peter Nureyev moved through identities as much as he changed his clothes, he’d never had a constant, he’d never had a person who stuck around. He’d never had a person to not be okay in front of.

All at once, Juno found that he wanted nothing more than to be that person.

“You don’t have to tell me anything,” Juno said, tracing the line of Peter’s jaw, “if you like, we can just go back to sleep. But…if you want to get it off your chest, you could tell me what the dream was about. I promise that I’ll listen.”

There was a moment of silence, Peter staring down at Juno in a way that made him feel caught in headlights, dazed and dizzy. For a moment, Juno thought he might turn over and ask to go back to sleep, but then he saw Peter bite his lower lip, and take a breath.

“I was back in that room,” he said, and then clarified, “with Miasma.”

Juno moved his head slowly against Peter’s chest to look at him better, and then waited quietly.

“She was gone, and you were—” he stopped short, took a breath— “you were dead. The bomb went off, you were locked inside, and—”

He choked on the words, face creasing up, and Juno watched as a tear slipped down Peter’s cheek. Juno gently brushed it away with his thumb.

“I’m here,” he said, softly. “Right here.”

Peter wrapped his arms around Juno and held him tight. It felt almost as if Peter was trying to pull Juno in and absorb him into his body, afraid that he might disappear. 

“I was terrified,” Peter confessed. “When you did that. When you locked yourself in with Miasma. I thought I was watching you die. I dream about it all the time. I see you die over and over again, it doesn’t _stop,_ I don’t know how to make it _stop.”_

Guilt sank in Juno’s stomach, a familiar old friend he’d lived with for almost as long as he’d been alive. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I never should have done that to you,” Juno said, sliding one arm around Peter’s waist, the other one threading through his hair. 

“I’m scared I’ll lose you. I’m terrified that there’s going to be another room, another Miasma, another bomb…”

“There won’t be,” Juno said, fiercely. “I promise you. I’ll never do anything like again. I _promise you.”_

Peter sniffed, wiping away a tear. “I—” he took a deep breath, “I don’t want to live without you, Juno.”

The confession felt like a huge weight. Peter ducked his head, his eyes flittering away from Juno. Juno reached up to cup his cheek, gently bringing him back to face him, a small gesture that said, _I hear you._

“Me, neither,” Juno said. “Let’s make sure it never happens, yeah?” 

Peter nodded and swept forward to wrap Juno up in his arms again. They lay there in heavy silence, limbs threaded together, holding each other like they never wanted to let go, until the ship groaned towards morning, and a new day began.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at [bee-elzebub](https://bee-ezlebub.tumblr.com/) and on twitter at [@untakenbeepun](https://twitter.com/untakenbeepun)


End file.
